Tag: Past

300 Writing prompts Number 7: What is one of your greatest blessings?

Posted on by anele25

7 prompts into the 300 writing prompts and this one popped up for me and I would say that the greatest blessing is having family in your life. It’s funny you’re born, your parents have this thing called a child and they somehow have to dress it up. My family has been there for me to give me many things and you just wonder if sometimes it is luck of the draw. I know of friends and family where they struggled early on to gain any sort of familial support in their journey. I can say in my recent years that my family has supported with my decisions. The two things that I wanted to accomplish in the last ten years was to buy a car and finish school. I ended up accomplishing both in the last year and I could have done both without their support. I also recently noticed that no matter things may get or if you end up upset at each other at the end of the day, they will be there for you to welcome you with open arms. One example I can think of where they were there for me was when I had been going through my transition of going from community college to upper division at San Jose State.

 

I mentioned this earlier but I think what happened along the way was that they gave me the motivation to be better than I was. I needed the extra push from my family to do well because I saw them struggle when I was younger. I saw sometimes how my mom would come home sometimes at 6 at night from work taking the bus or my dad who would come sometimes at midnight from work. I would see the little sacrifices made here and there so we can enjoy a better life one day. Every year we would save up and go to Mexico to enjoy the family we had over there. This is before everyone had kids and had obligations and before the world started moving so fast. I felt that back then that my parents wanted to give their own blessings a little taste of who and what their families were like. I can remember every summer we would spend at Grandma’s and everyone was just free and on their own.

 

To me, this was a blessing behind a blessing because every summer we would see the same cousins and people we knew. I could see that my family wanted us to bond with our family so they can see that expanded family was also a part of us as well. My fondest memory of us all being together was back in 2004 as our time was winding down and me and my cousins were bonding over random conversations. You can see from the beginning that our family wanted nothing but the best for us. I’m grateful for these memories and many others. The human body is susceptible to certain illnesses and one that comes to mind was when my dad was going through a skin disorder and I had to take him and back and forth to appointments. The hardest part was knowing that this person was in your life and now you had to care for them. I bonded with my dad at that point because this was the period in his life when he was still going through his restaurant job as well. We would stay up and watch wrestling together on Mondays and now in some ways that was being taken away from me. He would ask me how and why these wrestlers were fighting and I would need to explain it to him. I was so happy about this whenever we would get the chance to do this but like I said now it was being taken away from me. The moments when I would see him struggle reminded me of the times when I would see him come home late after work and he would still be there to go along with his kids and enjoy their time together. Recently, I also remember my dad would say that he had nowhere as time has gone on, my mom has also started to show some signs of slowing down and this is the impending kidney dialysis that she has with her. I can see her struggling little more now and as time goes on I want to learn as much as possible within the next few years. My brother has given me one of his best blessings which his ability to guide me about various topics. I can remember growing up and the one line that always sticks with me is when I had gotten upset because I was unable to pass my DMV test and he gave me encouragement that day to continue forward. I’m sometimes grateful for him becoming my friend because I learned about how to talk and speak up to people.

 

Before, I was shy and didn’t know how to take things with people. I often credit my brother for helloing me finish my schooling as well because he didn’t finish school and often we look to our brothers for advice as well. As I go through my older years, I eventually want to be that blessing to my sons as well because the greatest gift you can give to a child is a life full of adventure, warmth, love and understanding of living. Blessings give us the ability to see that life works in a funny way. You’re stuck with your family and you learn to function with them every day. I can see as I get older that I am going to stare at whoever, somebody that I have next to me and see my own family growing right before my very eyes. These are the reasons I think we have blessings: To be able to show us that life can be a fun and exciting time as we grow and learn from each other. I also think the experiences we can provide each other as time goes on to talk about and laugh at these times are the wonderful times we can have. Till next time everyone.

Do I dwell on the past…?

Posted on by anele25

As I sit here writing this at 1:21 A.M., I have been thinking that sometimes (actually most of the time) that I dwell on the past just a little bit too much. It may be that something horrible happened yesterday, last week, or even last year that I keep repeating over in my head. The other day I was talking to a good friend discussing why we go over the past so much in our heads. I was thinking about that then and I am thinking about now. The reason(s) may be that sometimes there are things we had little control over and we just may be a bit harsh on ourselves for. For example, getting yelled at by one of your bosses because something wasn’t done right by their standards could just be a case of that person being made to look bad. I believe that what matters is what you do in the now and in the future. Sure you may have messed up, but what matters is what you keep doing in your field rather than thinking that you may make that same mistake again. This is where something like habit may come in, which coincidentally enough, I happen to be reading a book about this right now. It brings up numerous examples of how ordinary people don’t look to think about what they are doing but rather they just do it by instinct (i.e. putting yourself in motion to run a baseball drill should come automatically). I have written numerous times of how sometimes I would like to have some great things back in my life (i.e. friends, family, memories of eating at great restaurants, and certain vices). I feel much of this is actually still quite possible because I have the personality and drive to make it happen again. It may not be now, next week, or even next month but the fact that I have found my niche in giving myself plenty of room to grow has helped a bunch. I still have a close group of friends that I hang out with (albeit less than it used to be).  What matters the most is that instead of looking towards the near future (i.e. we gotta hang out again), as a person I have the ability to make friends and for the most part create new journeys and quests.   The comparison I make is that the wrestling that I grew up on is 10 times better than what is on TV right now, but you know what? I have seen it improve over the last two years or so due to the excellent storytelling and wrestling that is provided inside the squared circle. This gives me the idea that the better the product is on TV, the more the fans get their money’s worth watching a compelling product which gives them the drive to watch it unfold on TV. I can remember applying for a few colleges back in 2011 thinking I would be up and ready to go in Fall 2012 semester, however that was not to be as my classes were not yet completed. I went on to have one of the best years of my life from January of 2012 all the way to May 2013 taking in total 8 classes in order to transfer from the junior college level to the CSU level. As I’m looking back, I met some wonderful people and I wish them all the best but right now I believe it is time for a greater challenge and that is setting foot into the realm of Psychology. I believe this major was meant for me because of so many interesting theories and ideas that come from the field of Psychology. I feel that most of the classes at the CSU level will be challenging but looking at it from a long term standpoint it will serve a greater purpose. I am so happy to be able to think that now there is very little that will stop me from achieving my goals and one of those is to further my education and take the walk towards a career. I also have found it very rewarding that before my mom and dad would do most of the work around my house but now I am helping a bit as well. The dwelling on the past piece here is that I think sometimes I may feel inclined to think ‘man those were some good times when I didn’t do anything’ but now it feels pretty awesome to help out just a little more. This can come in the form of doing dishes, washing my own car, helping outside with yardwork, mopping my kitchen, sweeping, and giving my dog a bath as well. It allows me to be productive and send out feelers for how I want to be in 5-10 years. I also seem to believe that my brother was one of the best memory makers when he used to live with us. But, now I hardly see him and when I do it is imperative to discuss what is going on in our lives and continue to create our lives around our friendship and brotherhood. When we were little kids we never thought about the future just the now and we really didn’t look at the past. Now, that I am an adult it is difficult to change the fact that I did have a past that was fun and exciting. Being an adult, you start having some health complications (if possible, in my case this true), you have bills to pay, and you have other obligations. Looking at the past is easy and I try not to look at it too much. It seems like an escape route that seems too wide of a path to cross over into. Looking at myself now and in the future, I see myself being relaxed and looser than I’ve been in a long time. A lot of this has to do with there being an extra bit of pressure to finish school at the junior college and also realizing that my real personality is that of someone who is not shy to speak to someone. Going back to my earlier point about wrestling not being what it used to be, I compare living in the past to guys in that business reinventing themselves for the sake of staying fresh and getting with the times. For example, one of the all time greats, Mick Foley, prided himself on staying fresh by adding different dimensions to his personality that he showcased in the ring. He created a character by the name of ‘Mankind’ that was brutal and sadistic in the ring. He didn’t look at the past and wonder how his previous character (Cactus Jack) would be affected but rather he was looking at the now and how he could shape himself up to be. One of his best matches happened to be against the legendary Shawn Michaels which was a beautiful 26 minute masterpiece which showcased emotion, brutality, brawling, and also an extra gist of what a man will do keep his title.   This is just but one prime example of how staying fresh and getting with the times can positively affect someone. Someone said not long ago that feeling that negative thought in your head can be poison and what this can suggest is living in the now gives someone the power to think about that negative as it is happening. This person said that imagining it can be the greatest attribute because you put yourself in a situation that can be really funny or disastrous as well. I do my best to keep my head up about a deadline I may have for an assignment and imagine the professor having a good laugh at my expense looking at me as if I’m smartest guy in the room with no idea of what is going on. I may imagine that the deadline is the next class or next week in this circumstance. This serves as great motivation to move ahead with the idea in the back of your head that you’ve done all right by your standards and by everyone else’s. Being in a state where you just look at the now is one of the most difficult processes that the mind can go through. Walking through one of the local down towns recently (and right now) you realize that your movements are so fluid and you start noticing the small details around you. The walk down town gave me a bit of time to see everything in front of me and all the water that was coming from the fountains. The birds were flying at the top of the flags asking for something or rather giving each other signals. I started noticing that just now there is a pencil that has been on my desk for who knows how long and the same CD that I play every week is positioned right next to that pencil. My water is half way full and my California roll is almost done. Little details like these can seem peaceful and zen like because nothing else matters. The objects that are ahead of you are the only ones that matter. You give yourself time to breathe and notice that things are simple and peaceful at that moment rather than everything else that is going on in the immediate future. This is what I mean by dwelling on the past. It defines us but to look back on it and wonder ‘how awesome was that’ all the time makes me think that I have little to look forward to. All I have to say is that it’s time to create memories and live in the now. Good night everybody!