Just Another Day…

Here is the second part of 3 installments of the top ten things learned from 2003-2012 and it is going to be rocky, polished, and some feelings will be hurt. The funny thing is that in the span of these three years I learned so much about myself, others, and just how political friendships can become. So, here goes nothing…

2008- Good things come in small doses

At the beginning of the year, I ended up getting my first job and my only job that I have had since then. I remember going through the interview, thinking that if they didn’t hire me I was going to quit job searching and hope that a low end job somewhere else would hire me. The interview, for what it was, went quite well and I answered the questions as honestly as I could and I really couldn’t do much else. The way the interview was constructed made me think that the people at the company were gracious and nice enough to hire someone like me. Once the words were said, “you’re hired”, I was excited and I did my best to contain my feelings towards the opportunity. Starting off, I didn’t know what I was getting into and little did I know, it would be the beginning of many great things to come. My family was very proud of my getting a job because I had been getting my school paid for and they were happy that I would now be able to pay for it on my own. Unfortunately, I also decided to take 4 classes this quarter at De Anza in the winter and one of them ended up being an afternoon class (Intermediate Algebra). The problem was that one of my first shifts was from 2-11 and I had my first test on one of these days. I had to end up dropping the class and this would have a big impact on my future. The quarter went well in terms of what I learned and also what came about in terms of what I wanted to do in terms of a career. I had taken the second level of English and I realized I was a pretty decent writer. I saw that I was able to relate real life situations to literature and this was very important in terms of my development. For example, if I was to write a paper about some short stories I was able to see how one character’s dilemma may translate in real life or how one character’s trust of someone could garner discussion whether it was right or wrong. This was one choice but I also came across some very interesting fields as well. I ended up taking a creative thinking class which helped expand my knowledge and “distinguish bullshit from the real arguments”(according to my teacher). I also saw that business really wasn’t what was for me because it seemed boring and you had take a bunch of math classes which wasn’t fit for what interested me. Later in the spring, I saw what I wanted to do and for good reason. I also got social in terms of meeting tons of new people and understanding how other people work. I saw that making friends with others takes time and talking through more so than ever. For example, when I started getting to know everyone I saw what interested them and I would get into the conversation somehow. The term “be yourself” was something that I would hear later on in life and it really mattered here. I would inquire about certain topics because for one they sounded cool and you wanted to not seem out of the loop. I would also start talking about things that interested me because you never knew if they liked something similar. I can remember meeting two of my good friends at my job and one of them happened to have an Oakland A’s lanyard on their piece. It was so awesome to finally meet another A’s fan and just talking about the team made me realize that sports bond people together. The year I met my friend set the stage for how he and I would become best friends for the next year and a half. We would begin slowly with after work dinners and I must say they put a heavy dent on my wallet. After that, I saw that we were becoming actual friends instead of co-workers. I shared a lot of things with him, including my first crush at the workplace. I would share with him how shy I was and I really wasn’t experienced in approaching girls. He taught little by little that it takes time and fine tuning in order to get that first girl. I must say in that first year we became best buddies and there was more to come. One of my good buddies that I still talk to is an A’s fan and this is where we met. I started realizing that just by talking to both of them raised my confidence a little because they listened to what I had to say. We and a handful of other co-workers were really the core of the place where we worked because we all got along and there was hardly any bad mouthing. I have to say that first year at my job is a run I will never forget because we were a cohesive unit. Learning little by little, you see that hanging outside of your job after work is really good bonding time. You see how the politics work and who is good people in the building. An experience like that kind of set me on my way because I changed my attitude a bit towards how I became approachable and whether I could get along with people or not. In the spring quarter, I took 3 classes and one of them was a personality of psychology which really had me changing my gears in terms of what I wanted to do with my life. It gave the notion that people are so interesting and studies can prove one thing but they can really mean another. I saw how the human mind can work and whether or not we like it, we’re a little crazy and simple minded. I put the wheels in motion of what I wanted to do and it was a while before I really finished what I started. The other two classes (one I dropped due to the class being too early and my stubborness), were fun but the environmental history one with my brother really had me bonding with my brother because we were much older and wiser than we were before. He had helped me a bunch when I was younger so I really got to know him in this period and we would always watch wrestling together or we would just sit down and eat during most afternoons after school. I can remember doing a school project with my brother where we picked up cigarette butts off the school grounds and it was a little pointless but it was for a better cause and a grade. That was seemingly something that I enjoyed and an experience with my brother that I’ll never forget. That summer I took my very first vacation from work and I felt horrible doing it but it was for the better due to my being a month away from school. I realized after that taking time off isn’t necessarily a bad thing because your brain needs a break once in a while. The fall was sort of a blur due to me not being engaged as much as I used to in school and I don’t know whether it was being dragged down by work or by personal needs. Work had taken over at this point and school was just shuffled off into the background. I kept shoving off intermediate algebra because I knew I sucked at it and this would prolong my stay at the community college level. In the fall, I realized that if I had taken all my math in my first year I would have been done with it but I kept holding it off. That left me with 2 classes once again, one in which I did poorly and the other I did great in, and once again I dropped Algebra because I was too afraid to ask for help. This would be something that would play a very important part in my progression as I believe this happened for a reason. The Christmas break was the first time I had received a dog for free and she was so adorable to my family. I was reluctant to have a dog at first but I saw that she gave our family laughter and she even started liking us after a while. I grew to like her too as she would love to play outside and provide us with entertainment. The year 2008 was one I’ll never forget and hopefully one I’ll look back on wondering what lessons it has taught me in the long run. Now, the year 2009 provided us with hilarity and some questionable feuds…

2009- Have fun but don’t assume anything

The first thing I remember about 2009 is sitting outside a IHOP with my good friend. We talked about what it meant to not be lonely and to be able to pursue a love that mattered. I agreed with him all the way because I was searching for that special someone that could bring me peace and happiness. That was one of the first of many crazy adventures I had. These did not include all the wal mart trips, the gym trips, the eating out, the movies I went to see, the conversations I would have outside of Starbucks, and the other random places I would head to. One of the crazier trips I can recall was July 14th 2009 and this day really holds a special place in my heart. It was the first day of my gym membership and it was also the day the MLB all star game took place. Me and my two buddies happened to go everywhere that day. One of my buddies and I hit up Chevy’s after he signed me up for the gym and I was just having so much that day thinking “I finally am being accepted for who I am”. That was one of the main factors that really drew me to these two individuals. It is true now that I am writing this because if anybody is your friend they will accept you for who you are and for not being anybody else. We also happened to go to a pet store which had all kinds of cool stuff and it was the discovery for the awesome pet store Pet Club which has a few locations around the bay area. After this, we met up near my friend’s house and we headed out to Wal Mart where we had a real deep conversation due to some issues that we had between this other friend and myself. This issue had been a result of my being left out of the guy’s life due to him getting a girlfriend and I was really down in  the dumps because I felt I wasn’t as important. I realized that I had been a real jerk to this friend of mine and he also happened to see that he was wrong on his end for having flaked on me so many times when he said he would hang out with his guy friends. We talked it out a bit and from that point we have seen each other on a regular basis (at least once a month if not once every two months). I can say that was one of the more memorable trips and adventures because it meant something and it also felt authentic as well. I also got into it with another friend of mine that was just as strange as I was. We got along but we had differences in terms of how we saw things. I believed he saw me as an annoying person and I saw him as a nobody. This is where cultures and personal differences are hard to settle because sometimes you never know what you’re fighting about. I tried my best to be cool about it but we never seemed to work it out because I was in the wrong. I couldn’t admit some of my mistakes because sometimes when I say that I’m sorry it is difficult to make it sound sincere without the other person being defensive about what I’m being sorry about. We would get into arguments about the dumbest stuff and I learned a few things from it. Some people just never get over the fact that you matter less to them than you think and it’s best to just let things be the way they are. If you stay friends, then great if not then things just didn’t work. I would head everywhere that year from eating at random places such as chinese food, diners, and little treasures in San Jose. It served as a reminder that life is meant to be a ball and you also have to keep in mind that it may not be around forever. I also started becoming a little less paranoid and more positive when it came to completing tasks. I would say that before that some things were impossible. These situations are impossible because I the person made it seem like an unachievable goal. For example, me signing up for a bunch of random classes and doing well in them was something that I saw as impossible at first. I took developmental psychology, humanities, and sociology made me a student that was capable of taking on challenges and thinking it was ok to fail sometimes. I still had a little bit to go in terms of transferring to a university but these classes in that frame of time served as a reminder that the skills you acquire from them can help you see a broader view. These classes counted and what mattered was that they all counted towards getting credit at the college level. In the spring quarter, I once again attempted to take algebra but I knew I was doomed once the professor said he couldn’t read my writing on the problems. I realized that taking fewer classes while taking math would work but I found out that taking it at another community college was  the answer (I wouldn’t come to this realization until much later down the road). I did fairly well in my two other classes which counted for credit and I told myself that as long as you take classes that count you’ll be fine. The fall quarter was probably the most fun I’ve had the community college level because I got to see the many different intricacies of the world through psychology, english, and history. The English and History classes were fun because the professors would really not care how you handled your business as long as you got the work done and the best part was that there was hardly any homework as there were just tests and papers. The psychology class tested my knowledge because I really couldn’t understand adjustments of it until I got to this class. I saw how the mind operated and how different things in our lives were wrapped not just one idea but many different ideas. As the year winded down, I realized how proud I was of what I had accomplished as I became much more well rounded and I had changed my perspective on a lot of different things. I finally had become a much better version of myself and even to this day I strive to become better in many aspects of my life. The one thing I have to constantly remind myself of is that some people come into your life for short periods because your life is defined by eras. You may have a certain time in your life where you were really high on a band or a certain hobby that you may have had. At that time, me and my friend were always hanging out going to the most out of the blue places just to have fun. My wallet wouldn’t agree with period but I learned about time management as well as how to save your money. At one point, I would look at my bank account and realize that I have x amount of dollars and I have to spend this amount in order to hang out with this person. I saw that as being careful as well as seeing what takes priority over your life. If it is hanging out with that friend, then that’s what it has to be but I also saw myself as being slowly immersed into my friend’s world instead of the other way around. He would help me with certain aspects of my life but I spending time with him so much that I forgot about other people in my life. I would be neglecting my family as they really didn’t matter as much as they did before. I would also get into more arguments with my mom about how dirty and unclean I had become. Taking the blame is one thing, but the responsibility that I took was none as I had little to show for it. Looking at it now, taking my friend places and driving him around everywhere was a little bit of my fault as I had the choice to choose between hanging out with my friend or disappointing him at the same time. Usually when people guilt trip me, I have a hard time giving in because I know what I should do but do I really want to hurt that other person’s feelings? I learned after this that sometimes it’s ok to say no to certain requests because you can’t let others control and manipulate your frame of mind. 2009, what a year, and I’ll never forget it…

2010- The end of an era doesn’t mean the end of everything

The beginning of the of the end was 2010 as I started experiencing new things and my niece had come into the world. I also saw that school was becoming more about taking classes for fun than it was about finishing up and the problem was that I had no way of knowing how to do that. I wound up taking Biology, Speech, and Philosophy. The three classes were fun because I had help in all three classes whether it was from classmates or from friends outside of class. The classes that year were so interesting because we looked at cells and molecules in Biology. It was something we had studied in high school but it hadn’t been as deep and decisive as it would be at the community college level. Doing a project on organic food, I saw how weird and open our world had become in this field. The speech class allowed me to be immersed in group work and I saw how well I could work with a group because you have to lead but you also have to be apart of success as well. Writing a speech paper one night, the friend that I mentioned earlier rolled up at my house to convince to hang out with him which I found to be particularly strange. I saw it as someone trying to convince me to do something I didn’t want to do.The funny part was that my friend that I mentioned in the previous year had become a bigger part of my life and I tagged along in his adventures. I started realizing that I would follow whatever he would say and I would do it. For example, I remember him telling me that same year that I was a raw version of him. It was more about him than it was for me and there were some writing done here about him early in the beginnings of this very blog.  The next day I learned that Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc was truly something that rang true sometimes. I had written a good paper about health care and I had a good time after with my buddies at wingstop. It might have been that  because I had written this paper I had a right to hang out with my friends. It became apparent that hanging out with friends should be seen as somewhat as a reward for the work you have done. Later on, it was almost like going to school was just to hang out with friends. But, I started seeing that doing this could hinder my academic performance. Philosophy was the one class that kept my ethical mind afloat and I saw how crazy the world in ethics is pretty crazy. The one prime example that sticks out in my mind is giving up one’s person’s happiness for everyone’s happiness was one that made me cringe and be happy at the same time. Another one was using science to create humans and also the idea of psychological egoism. I saw how awesome the class as it related to my life and there was little I could do in terms of how unmoral or how moral I may be. This blog was something else that was started in 2010 as on July,20 2010 I started this blog and ever since then it’s been rolling along. I have gotten my thoughts out there since then and I am less quiet than I used to be. It used to be that my thoughts would be jammed up inside of my head and it would be hard to get them out there. It was almost as if there was a problem that I had with speaking out because people would call me dumb or stupid. But, seeing the error of my ways, I have been more open and less prone to letting anger ruin my life. For some odd reason, the big theme of the year seemed to be the truth hurts. I saw that little by little I was letting my life be run by people that I didn’t need to listen to. My friend was largely the reason for this and I would take classes or go somewhere because he told me to. The truth was finally told to me on that July day and I don’t know why my other friend that hung out with me told me this but he may have had a need to help. I had signed up for the gym a year earlier and I hadn’t made that much progress in losing weight or feeling any better about myself. Feeling better about yourself is something that I really wanted because I was so moody at the time. I would be really happy one minute and sad the next which I had no idea why that was happening. I saw exercise as one option but the gym was only fun if someone went with me which was the excuse that I would use over and over. Time is so fascinating and there was that need to find time to work out which could be during any time of the day. It could be at night or it could be during the day but I said to myself that I really needed to crunch down and find that time. My friend told me after he had revoked his gym membership that I wouldn’t go now because he didn’t go. In the back of my head, I was out to prove him wrong. Once again the truth hurt and it would be six months or so before I really sat down and pondered my future at the gym. Towards the middle of the year, my friend and I took some classes together which were sort of helpful in transferring but I didn’t realize it at the time. He would tell me constantly that I needed him but I was getting better at seeing that wasn’t true all the time. If I wanted, I could make friends and acquaintances in a setting but it takes me a while to get going because I usually just like to observe. The truth hurt in this instance because I thought he was my only friend that would be there for me in any situation but I knew better. One instance where the truth really hurt was when the San Francisco Giants won the World Series. It took a while for that thought to settle in but it really happened when it was all said and done. They had tremendous pitching that year and they played when it mattered. I remember my friend asking me if them winning the world series would cause less A’s fans to support the team and this hurt because my team technically (Oakland A’s) is the inferior team when it came to attendance and popularity. Watching the world series made me see that baseball is unlike any sport where you can go and sweep a team just like that. Hockey or basketball is hard to sweep a four game series because those teams that have gotten to the conference finals or the championship really have a chip on their shoulder to perform well and those athletes are primed for those kind of games. I was also struggling to understand how my money was going to waste because I was constantly living from paycheck to paycheck and I figured out that I needed to start saving money. The truth hurt here because for one I couldn’t spend money on what I really needed (gas, food, family needs) and my brother had just left our household. Our family couldn’t depend that much longer on our brother anymore and we had less one person to help us out with rent. I remember one case where my cheapness about spending money really hit a peak. My mom and I had been shopping at a local retailer when she asked me if I would pay which kind of came out of nowhere. I did end up paying but it hurt me because the truth wasn’t being told me in this case. My mom told me later that she didn’t have money and I was livid afterwards which I really had no right to do. I told myself afterwards that I should become better at saving money and I should appreciate my mom for what she has done for me in the past. The truth hurt and that seemed to be the lingering theme throughout other cases as well. One last instance where the truth hurt is me having one of the most memorable nights with a couple of co-workers at a local bar. We had just opened up a new workcenter at work and some of the people were new. We happened to say that we should all get together and we did just that. The bar talk was fun and everyone was having a great time. It occurred to me that some of these people may not be around forever and these memories that we preserve are for the better. I remember walking across Campbell and wanting this experience not to end because we were in the moment and not worrying about the next day or the next night. My friend and I also had a fantasy football draft coming up so we didn’t want to miss that either. The truth hurt here because I didn’t want the moment to slip away from me. Rainy days also seem to be the theme here as well because every time I would see the rain in the fall or in the winter I wanted it to keep going as it was peaceful and humbling at the same time. It was almost as if that rain was calling to me to be one with it and get lost in that moment. The weather has always seemed interesting to me as the summer weather and the winter weather both called for something different. The summer was one where I saw the warm and blue sky as the changing of the guard and I needed something else in my life. At the time, I didn’t what it was but I would begin searching for it soon after this. The winter months of hot and cold told me that staying at one place can bring about great memories with friends in far away places. It can also make you become complacent. The spring weather told me that you’re on your way to a warm setting but you still need time. The fall brought about the leaves and dry spells of just being in that time. I can say that the year 2010 was the end of one era and it was the baby stage that set it up for the next two years. School had finally started to make sense that fall because it was more about the expansion of my field than it was about taking silly classes that didn’t matter (although 2011 was much different as I was lost, more on that later). My motivation each morning for that year was to do something good or at least learn something that could stick out in my head for that period. The important thing that kept me going was someone or somebody telling me in year’s past that I couldn’t do it and this wasn’t the first time this would happen. Life is split into eras and each one has a different theme which helps you a better person and each has a learning experience as well. 2010 will be the year that I had arguments, laughs, adventures, side talks, loafing, learning, and sometimes an occasional heart to heart. 2011 would be the year that somehow I saw as the breathing in stage and the break that I needed to reinvent myself a bit because I needed a change and this change would be positive. As the year ended, I remember one good friend and I hanging out at Mcdonald’s and running into an older gentleman. This gentleman happened to teach at a university or a local college and I saw how old and happy he was. I told myself that if I really wanted to get out of community college, I needed to look at what I really needed and so it began with that older gentleman because he was ordinary. That’s all I needed was to be ordinary and be the best person I could be. So, with that person’s kindness I set 2011 as the year that I needed to get the ball rolling on a few things and though I failed in some aspects I knew what I needed to do….

Next time, 2011, 2012, and a little bit of 2013. Stay Tuned!