Bringing back those stars and times…

Posted on by anele25

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.”

-Green Day on “Good Riddance”

Dynasty Warriors Returns Pt.7!!

I was thinking recently to the good things that happened when one Thursday night when my brother and I were both near the beginning of our community college and high school portions of education, respectively and I can’t begin to tell you that this was one of the funnest days in our time spent together. I recall that I had recently bought Dynasty Warriors 3 xtreme, which is the extended version of the 3rd Dynasty Warriors game. I didn’t have much fun with it because at first I remember that we couldn’t really do anything with the characters outside of Lu Bu or Meng Huo. I was easily bored by the fact that I bought the game but then my brother decided to rent the original part 3 and back then it was 5 days for a game and we got to playing it right away. The fun part about playing this xtreme version was that the game was much harder and funner as well. The fun part was that the better powered up all our characters attributes were, the more it made it capable that you could play in xtreme mode. I remember just how much fun and my brother would have throughout all these various stages such as Chi Bi, Hu Lao Gate, Wu Zhang plains, or even Yi Ling. Now, if you’re not familiar with the game, the basic objective is to make it through the stages without getting killed or even your commanding officer getting killed. The way you can keep yourself healthy and made sure that you don’t die is to collect plenty of buns for your health and also plenty of musou that you may find throughout many of the crates. Musou is especially helpful when you are surrounded by a good number of soldiers that are trying to aim for your head and like in any video game our fellow comrades are of little or no help to you. Musou is essentially the special combo move that every character does to take out large numbers of enemies and also to ensure the defeat of several captains that are spread out on the opposite team. There are also various objectives that must be completed and also to make sure that more soldiers do not stampede the premises, you have to attack all the gates so that more do not intrude you. Now, for myself and my brother we were looking for a challenge and our characters were maxed out by the time we had gotten to various stages that we felt that we could handle. The easiest way to do this was to find the characters that had the elements with their weapons including lightning, fire, and even death which automatically would take out the soldiers and cause big damage to the captains. I remember thinking that this was sort of the way we bonded after I had left my hometown and I was almost starting over. By this time, my brother and I were not really “friends” and we would just leave each other alone essentially. I feel that this was what brought us together. That bonding that he and I had when he was Cao Cao and I was Zhao Yun and we were facing dire consequences going up against the Allies. The feeling that I had was that we could pull this off and jokingly I would add special effects noises to say as if I had no clue as to what I was doing. The golden goal for most people is to kill at least 1000 guys and doing that seems almost impossible at first. But, once we got into xtreme mode there was no looking back. My brother would take out a few guys with his death element and I would go around trying to take out every single guy I could. The fun part was that you knew your back was against the wall. Playing the underdog meant that we couldn’t let ourselves down because we knew that winning the battle was only part of the game. We did it because we wanted that ultimate goal of being able to play a video game with pride and joy. One example I can think of is playing the stage “The Battle of Chi Bi” which is often considered a difficult stage if you don’t hold your feet up. Usually playing with my brother, we would be on the side that had the most to deal with. For example, in this case we had to deal with ships being on fire, winds blowing, the allies marching against us, and generals dropping like flies. I remember he would grab one side and try to conquer that side while I grabbed the other side of the stage. What made me happy was that whenever one of us was in trouble, we would get on a horse (yes there were horses too), and run over there to save the other’s behind. Now, more so than not, if he was in trouble there were more guys than I can count on my finger trying to kill him and we would take out these guys before anymore came and they kept coming. The best part about this was that you knew there was another guy watching your back and you could count on him to help you out when and if you were in trouble. Usually, the morale bar would be very low until my brother and I would come back and draw a rally against the enemy. In Chi Bi, we would have to take out gate captains, archers, generals, and commanding officers and it wasn’t an easy task but it was worth it. I remember if my brother had some extra buns or some musou he would tell me to grab it and sometimes we would be mistaken because we never really knew what was inside these crates that carried either the musou or the buns. All in all, we would reach victory after many failed attempts and it was worth it in the end. We would do better on some stages than others but I’ll never forget this installment of Dynasty Warriors because there was so much we did on every stage that it is hard to sit down and ever remember a gaming experience like this one. Looking back, this Tuesday the seventh installment comes out and I’m more excited for this one because it’s been a while since the last one came out. Part 6 was decent but it wasn’t the same experience that I had with parts 3 and 4. This one, from what I’ve heard, has better graphics, more detail, a better story, more characters, and it is getting good to excellent reviews. I recently have been trying to get into playing video games again and hopefully this and maybe a few other games will get me back into it. I don’t know when I’ll buy this but when I do, I’ll be sure to recollect my experience and tell people about how awesome and special this game really is. Till next time!

It’s a weird world… and it won’t slow down…

Posted on by anele25

It’s a rainy day here in Northern California and here I am wondering about something that has hit me ever since I listened to the song “Weird World” by the Backstreet Boys. Now, most people laugh and some even question why I listen to this group of thirty somethings but looking at their music, it is inspirational and most of the time they tell a story. Most of their songs are love songs, but this song finally put the nail on the coffin on something that has hit me ever since I started getting older. The chorus says “It’s a weird world don’t you know it, It’s a weird world and it won’t slow down, It’s weird world no matter how you roll it”. Many people will interpret this song in different ways but I see it as a way of viewing life as going so fast. I remember before September 11th, I was at an age where things change for a teenager. My voice started changing, I was getting into new things, I was setting up my priorities, and I was living a good life. Everything seemed to be peaceful because at the time I had little to no responsibilities. I also remember taking those small risks which seemed to pay off in the end. One example I can think of is going to Eastridge Mall in the golden days in the year 2000 with my brother and a couple of his friends. Now granted, I was 12 at the time but walking around with them made me feel like I was the man and nothing could stop me. I enjoyed hanging out those guys because they showed me a good time every which way they could and we still managed to have a great time. The funny thing was that one of my dad’s friends saw us there and he told my dad. My dad was a little upset by this but he didn’t really yell at us or punish us he just was wondering what we were doing all the way over there. I told my brother later on, at least it was worth it. Another example I can think of is every week my friend and I would hang out in the summer and go somewhere on our bikes. We would usually go to the Sunnyvale mall and everything seemed to go by much slower. There were no cellphones, no Ipods, no need for everything to be done online, no need to go everywhere by car, and it was just so wonderful. Now, with a cellphone or with an Ipod we can know right away what we can eat, what we can do, what movie we can watch, and back then my friend and I would have little to no need for this kind of stuff. Listening to this song by the Backstreet Boys made me realize that everything goes by so fast now. They mention that it is “just hard to stop when you’re spinning around” at the beginning and that hit me even harder when I think about it now. I have my regular routine of getting up for school, which I enjoy immensely because I get to learn new things every day, come home and study for a bit. Then before I know it, it may be around 4 or 5 and I realize that time has past me by so fast. There are other days when, if my studying is up to where I need it to be, I’ll watch some Weeds or watch wrestling. I still enjoy watching those things but back then it seemed like a joy to just wait for something to come one. I work anywhere from 20-23 hours a week and it doesn’t seem like a lot but when you take into account, commute, getting ready, running errands for people, and also making sure other things are running well, it actually takes up some time. The funny thing is when all that is taken into account the majority of TV that I watch is taped on my DVR. Not to say that it is a waste, but it is amazing to think that working and school has forced us to watch TV from a recorded perspective and not a live perspective. But back to my main point, on the date of September 11th I felt just strange and fuzzy inside not knowing what to do or say. I could see that after that we all changed a little bit. People became either one of two things and that was either they became closer or they just kinda drifted apart. Everything became digitized and instant very quickly. The next march in 2002 my family ended up buying me and my brother a computer which was awesome to have at first. But, then I started noticing VHS’s going away, radio was slowly dying down, people started buying these new things called Ipod’s, and pretty soon everybody had a facebook, myspace, and things got bigger. A perfect example I could think of is my brother who got into this way of thinking. He ended up buying a Samsung Plasma which was about 50 inches, he bought the coolest phone (in his mind), he bought himself two PS3’s and ended getting up a facebook as well. I love my brother to death but seeing him into this way of thinking made me not appreciate the material things so much. Some of these things are convenient but what this made me realize is that technology has made us complacent and everything has to be fast because if it’s not then you’re not in. The simplest example I can think of is Facebook and it’s effect on human beings. The other day I was having a nice conversation with a good friend of mine about how Facebook has made us think of what people are doing every moment of the day. At most, it is possibly engraved in our minds that we have to check on each other to make sure that we are all okay. But why would I need 150 friends on an internet website? Do I talk to all of them on a regular basis? If you do then you have a LOT of time on your hands. I can see this at work, school, with my friends, and other people as well. Whatever happened to people sending pictures to someone by mail or even e-mail? At least this is decent and not degrading yourself. Saying something benign and repetitive about your day is almost strange and unusual. I remember my friend saying that people look at Facebook because they are constantly wishing to be other people that are on Facebook. I agreed with him on this as this gives people the key to establishing any sort of relationship. The effects that 9/11 had is simply astonishing because a lot of good and bad came from it and I can’t even do justice to the may other things it has established. I remember also that before 9/11 I used to be a big fan of going to the library and not just for school stuff but also for going on the internet there. The joy of walking or going by bike made me wait for it even more as my friend and I would bond over going to the library and doing things that pre teenagers only know how to do. Going on the internet was free and a library card of course was also free which made it even funner. I can remember going there just to look at Dragon Ball Z pictures and printing out tons of them and funny enough I still have most of them stored for safekeeping as a reminder of all those fun times I had at the Sunnyvale library. But, after all this the question still remains, is it just our willingness to go along with things or have times changed because we change? Maybe it is both as I have seen this weird world go fast ever since I started getting older. I wasn’t the same person I was ten years ago as I have many different experiences, seen things change in my life, seen people come and go, and I can honestly say maybe some things are not meant to last forever. These things now are maybe just temporary or maybe they may get bigger than it already is. Maybe the Backstreet Boys saw something before I did as the song “Weird World” was made when I was still in high school. Even now, most of the things that I long for in my childhood probably wouldn’t be the same. I know arcades wouldn’t be the same because now every kid, old or young, has a Wii, PS3, or an Xbox. I know riding a bike or taking a bus wouldn’t be the same because everyone would laugh at me and wonder what I was doing. Life is passing by so fast now and it won’t stop but I know there is something we can all do about it. Do the things we like because those will hardly ever change, take a walk for a change, do something that is time consuming, or maybe do something productive and see how you feel. All I know is that it won’t be changing for a while but while we’re at it have fun. To anybody who’s curious here’s the song Weird World by the Backstreet Boys:

Are some things left better unsaid?….

Posted on by anele25

I know that they say
That somethings are better left unsaid

-Justin Timberlake on “Cry Me a River”

I have recently been asking myself the question of are some things better if they are not said and I’m still torn between yes and no answers. The reason why I ask this is that for one real life example, it was hard to understand why I wasn’t told I had the chance of having something and nothing was ever communicated to me. I just recently found out I have Polycystic Kidney Disease, which is hard to take in but I’m trying my best now to prevent my cysts from enlarging and also taking medication. Now, the strange thing is that my nephrologist had to be the one to tell me that I had this and not someone else. I knew from my CT scan that I had cysts but I didn’t know that it would be so severe in both my kidneys. My nephrologist said that there were multiple cysts in both kidneys and I was wondering why there wasn’t anything done when I was younger as she had told me that I had them dating back to when I first had stones in my kidneys. She said since there was never real complications with these stones then there wasn’t any reason to worry about the cysts. I was kind of taken aback by the fact that I did have this disease and then she said that this disease is hereditary which shocked me because my mom had never really told me the extent of why she had high blood pressure as well. I went home kind of stunned and a little shocked but when I asked my mom I got my answer. She said she had it, three of sisters had it, a brother of her’s, and also one of my cousins which shocked me even more. I didn’t know what to say as I was acting beforehand as if I was the only one that had it. My mom then stated that she didn’t want to overwhelm me with anything and that they had found cysts in her kidney when she was pregnant with me so at the time she was about 24, which is the same age that I have been diagnosed with it. I’ve been asking myself ever since then, was it right for her not to tell me? I can see where she could have admitted to me outright when I was 13 that it was possible that I had cysts, as this was the age that I had first had kidney stones. When someone is young and vibrant, I can see that parents don’t want anything to harm their kids and they are just hiding the truth from them and if I was in that position, it would most definitely not be an easy choice. But, what really makes up truth? They were being truthful when my kidney stones were present and they knew what it was but I can’t say that some variation of the truth wasn’t told to me. As I keep growing, I have noticed that you become much less protected but also you get more responsibilities and more accountability. Growing up, I never did bad things, hardly got in trouble, and also tried to have as much fun as possible. This was probably one of the reasons why my mom never told me because she didn’t want to stop that fun and she also wanted the best possible living for her son. Being naive also contributed to my mom possibly not telling me about my cysts because (1) the disease is hereditary and I can’t do anything about it and (2) I didn’t know that so many bad things could contribute to a disease. So, in this case yes some things are better left unsaid because you want to protect someone and you also want to let that other person be themselves while also being a good person. But what about another situation: this one is also a real life example in which it can be either a hindrance or a helping hand. Last week, I was talking to an assistant at the big red machine and he is very open sometimes about the problems and the presence of what communication goes on there. I was interested in what he said because it gave me an inside on how much real work these assistants have to do and how the managers are just like producers on a TV show. Think of it this way, the assistants are writers on a TV show but the managers are producers of the show. Now, the writers work very hard to get storylines on TV, create characters, write themes, but ultimately the producers have to sit there and come up with something. The producers, in this case, dictate what gets on Tv and what doesn’t. He talked about the downgrade of workers he has there and how much downhill it has gone because whenever he works with the team, they end up hating him. I told him, out of mutual respect and position, that he is in a tough position because it is almost like a cycle where the workers make the assistant look good and the assistant makes the manager look 10 times better. But, here’s the thing, I see that when the team the assistant works with does well, almost all the managers (with the exception of 1 or 2) seem like they are the types to build up their selves instead of the assistant. But, whenever the team does bad, all the blame goes to the assistant and the workers get little to no heat for this. I understand that managers have finished their degrees up at developmental while assistants have little to any aspiration of finishing school. He let out his frustrations that the managers want things done their way and they can’t be creative in any way possible. This surprised me because I first would let out my frustrations with the idiocy that some of the assistants had but after a little more talking to, I have a vast amount of respect for most of them. He seemed intent on being able to raise that bar of workrate and I understood from that conversation that no matter how well of a job you do, it always has to be held to that standard and nothing less. As a good friend of mine used to say that worked there, “once you’re labeled, it sticks”. And I learned from that letting your frustrations set in about a job is unsettling because you really have no reason to do so. It is good, (sometimes) to let your problems because, let’s face it no one goes on in life without there share of problems and their weaknesses as well. I was optimistic about that conversation and the way it went because not many of the assistants are apt to say what they feel and rather they go on saying what they think in the long term. In this case, I was happy because it allowed me to see that most of these people are human and I wish they were each like this instead of one person being a clone of the next one. Somethings are better left not unsaid  I hope people can keep being like this. Till Next Time!

The Elimination Chamber 2011…

Posted on by anele25

It’s been about two weeks since I went to WWE Elimination Chamber here in Oakland and at first I was doubting myself as to whether it was worth it or not and after all the smoke cleared it was. Me and brother got there around 4:30 to find parking which was around the BART station. What surprised me was that up at the main entrance, they were charging 30 bucks for a parking spot and we were lucky there were quite a few parking spots left by the station. After we had found our seats, we got hyped up for the night’s events, as everything seemed in place and the energy really seemed like it flowed well that night. When I was sitting there, I realized that I noted that one of my resolutions was to come to this event and I was glad that it was with my brother. I don’t see my brother on a everyday basis as he doesn’t live with us anymore but when it’s just us, I can talk about whatever is on my mind and he as well. The matches were really solid overall and they gave me hope for the sheer transition that wrestling seems to go through every 4 or 5 years. I was impressed with the veracity of the opener between Kingston and Del Rio as it established them not only as good performers but solid characters as well. I was also impressed with the Elimination Chamber matches as well as both had excellent standout performances. I can say that on the smackdown side, there was really no fear of actually trying something innovative here. Usually, what I see as a contribution from a well established veteran is what happened when Edge, Rey Mysterio, and the Big Show all pitched in and gave two young guys such as Wade Barrett and Drew Mcyntre, a chance to shine as they all took pretty nasty falls in that match. I can say that the exchanges between Mysterio and Edge really gave them the opportunity to give the fans their money’s worth and they didn’t disappoint. I found it interesting that the Raw Chamber was not as exciting as the smackdown as it seemed that this one was more built towards creating a ‘spot’. I understand that wrestling needs variety in order to get their point across and in this case it was no different. John Morrison really delivered a performance which was worth every accolade he gets because this guy has started to change my doubt about how much of a waste of talent he is. At first, the only reason I thought he was good was because of the guys he was being matched up with but then I saw that this guy can do some pretty insane moves. He has also won me over in how he can give a different type of performance very night instead of doing the same thing over and over. I was equally impressed by guys like CM Punk and Randy Orton as they both ended up looking like they took big bumps in order to get the effects of the chamber over. Overall, the show had two other matches in the Corre VS. Santino Marella and Vladmir Kozlov which was a short little affair that I didn’t pay much attention to as it was over just in about 5 minutes.  I believe the match between Jerry Lawler vs. the Miz wasn’t great but not bad either as both men seemed to want to try to get the story of their match over. Lawler was playing the ‘one last chance’ story and Miz was playing the ‘most must see champiuon’ of his day which made me believe that Miz had to win in order to be a better character. The way that Miz plays his character almost makes me feel like a little kid again. In my older life, I have been a supporter of bad guys or ‘heels’ as the antihero is something that intrigued and made me wonder about our own society. Good guys have always seemed preppy and too goody shoes to do anything wrong as they are almost seen as superheroes. However, with the Miz I just feel like slapping him because he really makes your blood boil because he plays his part so well and he understands that the crowd has to hate him. I’ve seen that the man, Mike Mizanin, worked his ass to where he is and he deserves everything he has earned but as a character you just want to see that he gets what’s coming to him. In my case, I believe to see a bad guy get their ass kicked is what sends fans and supporters alike home happy. He plays his part very well and I can say that I was non believer in what he could achieve but he did well with what he got. Miz ended up pulling out a convincing victory and I was surprised that he won clean because very rarely do we ever see that happen with the Miz. Two other short segments in this event that happened was the appearance of the very wonderful Trish Stratus as she was revealed as a trainer of the show Tough Enough and very few fans knew who she was but I knew who she was and she looked gorgeous as she always does. Then one of the best characters that WWE has produced in recent years, Vickie Guerrero, appeared and she begged for some forgiveness from the authority figure, Teddy Long. I enjoy watching Vickie because she seems to understand the meaning of what a good female heel is supposed to be and she is probably supporting her family as well with what she does. I’ve always said, these people are away from there families almost 300 days of the year and for them to elicit a reaction must be tough as they have either be seen as good or evil. But, the way some people do it almost makes you wonder what goes on inside them as humans as some of them play their characters so well that it is hard to imagine what they are really like. The event was probably one of the better ones I’ve been to and I hope they come again so I can take some pictures with a camera that I hope to purchase soon. I would like to thank my brother for bringing along his camera as the pictures he took were very crisp and unreal to look at if you put them on a 1080 P TV:

Here they are:

Del Rio against Kingston
Big Show
The match itself
Vickie Guerrero
Jerry "the King" Lawler
Randall Keith Orton
Nice picture of the Chamber
CM Punk, Straight Edge Rules!
The closing moments of the Raw Chamber

It’s like that…what Big Red has given me…

Posted on by anele25

If you really think about it times aren’t that bad
The one that stretches for success will make you glad
Stop playing start praying, you won’t be sad
It’s like that (what?) and that’s the way it is
Huh!-

“It’s like that” by Run-DMC

I say it, I do it, and therefore I am it. I am amazed that for the past three years, I have worked for the Big Red Machine and it has been quite the ride. This past Monday, I watched one of the best wrestlers ever, Triple H, come out and say that he’s seen them all come and go but he’s outlasted them all. I kind of feel like a Triple H as I see no challenges but I still try my best to pass on the knowledge that I have gathered while being there. Whether they like it or not, the more mistakes you make the more experience you’ll gain. I still make my share of mistakes but I try the best to minimize them. I now think back that these past three years I have been with this company and I love the fact that I have learned so much from this place. When I first started working there, I was shy and really moody when it came to work. I believe the reason that I was like this was because I hadn’t really been in a working environment and I was trying my best to impress my peers and bosses. I tried my best to interact with people but I could see that only one guy would give me my chance. This guy was cool and sort of cocky but he took me under his wing. After a few months, I changed my tone and my working style as well. I tried my best to become less stressed and focus on becoming friendlier with people as well. The best gift that the Big Red Machine gave me was the ability to interact with a good pool of talent and observe anywhere from 20-50 different personalities in my time there. I’ve seen guys that love sports and when they love sports, I discuss sports with them as we did our best to get our work done as well as being able to discuss life problems, issues, pay, work, and gossip. I interacted with personalities that taught me a lot and I am thankful for that. I have had my mentors, my brother types, my buddies, and people I am indifferent towards. I am most thankful for the brother types and also my mentors. What I learned from each of these people was that no matter the circumstances, never change. Sometimes, it is necessary to have to change your personality for certain people but whenever I talk to somebody at Big Red, I have learned that it is best to stay relaxed and not to lose your cool. I have given the best I could almost every night, and it doesn’t matter who is working or who I’m working with, I have given it the best no matter the circumstances. Even though I do it less so now, I used to complain a lot that I didn’t have enough money to go hang out with my co-workers and my friends after work and I did end up spending tons of money on food, far trips away to cities here in the bay area, bowling, pool, crazy driving around to these random places, and so forth. I don’t regret many of those trips because I got to understand that some people are sent here to us for a reason, whether it be good or bad. I would get paid and then go deposit my check the next day, which would result on me spending anywhere from 10-40 dollars in one night or multiple nights. I would spend my money because my buddies had the money, so why shouldn’t I have the money. Other times, I would do so to fit in. I gave every last penny just so I could feel good about sharing food with somebody or compromising with a few co-workers in order to play poker or play monopoly. There is something about sharing food with somebody or playing a game with somebody that brings it together that is hard to imagine. I remember numerous times, I would share food with a co-worker of mine and early on when we were getting to know each other, we would go out to eat every night. That is one of the strongest gifts, big red has given me and I miss it at times but  nothing is meant to last forever. Even playing poker taught me that these games are seen as nothing more than a money driven game, with the strive to be the best. I am glad I got to do these things because nothing beats learning and making mistakes. Working with older people, I gave them the benefit the doubt about who they were or what they were about. Two of my mentors there, one of whom still works there, I particularly saw them as sharp and very quick witted. I remember talking to both of them very much and I saw them as wise for the age that they were both doing the job. Here I am, at 20, 21, and 22 and I am hanging with this guy in his mid-30’s and another turning 50, learning every little thing I could. I learned that these guys had years of experience and the relationships I established with these guys had me feeling that human communication is essential in life. Nobody learns this world of experience from just sitting in a room as my friend said a month or two ago. I learned from the guy in his mid-30’s that no matter how old you are, it is never too late to get a new start in life and staying optimistic is a key to staying young and looking young. I learned from my other mentor that we were like father and son in another life (at least from my point of view). He told me how he had lost everything, his family, his daughters, his jobs, his flooded house here in this area, and most of all he told me some of the biggest mistakes I was making at work were serving as a lesson. We got along so well and we still do, as we are so alike in so many things as he still gives me advice, gives me his opinions, and we treat it like no other. Most of all I have learned about success and failure. My Economics teacher in high school said something that still sticks out in my mind and that is you have to realize when you have been beaten. My failures have ranged from failed attempts at trying to get with a number of women there, feuding with co-workers over petty issues, being cited for not performing for how I should have, being called out for small things, and many other things. What I learned from each of these experiences was that it matters a great deal how others perceive you but reaching out to others and asking for feedback is the most important thing you can do as it allows for a test of what you can do in the next time. I would ask people as to why I wouldn’t be recognized enough or why I wasn’t getting the accolades I thought I deserved at the time and I would never get a clear answer. But I asked myself, is it really worth it to keep asking why I wasn’t getting enough love at work? The first time I got my review there, I was discouraged easily as I didn’t get the raise I thought I deserved. I kept my head up and then I realized that giving all this effort had to involve me putting talent over, helping others, being a better communicator, being more of an asset, and also being there when I was needed. I was glad that I did this because working with all this new talent after about a year made me realize that teaching people is something we should all strive for. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Chris Jericho once said that if you teach somebody ten things and they take one of those and implement one of those then you’ve done your job. I’ve given advice to people, worked with people on different work styles, given motivation, and the energy has to be there for there to be any sort of interaction. I can say that is the one that I’ll take the most with me as I head into my time remaining at Big Red. To end this, I want to give a special shout out to my niece Jazmin as she gave me reason for hope as she is growing pretty fast and I recently saw that she has started doing some walking as she went walking towards my mom.

Stay tuned for the Next blog:

The Elimination Chamber from Oakland this past February 20, 2011

with Pictures:)



Lost Opportunity for a young 18 year old… Part 2

Posted on by anele25

These are the days
When all that I can do is dream
But I don’t wanna spend forever
living in the in between
I’m stuck here in a place without love
And I just can’t let it stay this way
But for now I’m gonna have to face it
These are the days

-O-Town on ” These are the Days”

So, I’m back and ready to conclude this epic tale. May 20th, 2006, everything was gloomy and here I am sitting in my suit looking nervous yet attentive. I was sitting with my, as I thought at that moment, “girlfriend”, and I remember we got into a conversation as to why I like wrestling. Throughout those past few months, she had gotten to know that I was a huge wrestling fan and I told her why I enjoyed it so much. At that time, and a little less these days, I told her watching these guys perform in the ring gave me reason to space out and also I got caught in the disbelief. I liked the storylines, the logic in the stories, and even though the typical outsider might say that wrestling was “fake”, I would try my best to defend the true nature of how athletic these guys are and how much they have to grind in order to make it big. She seemed excited to be there and I could see in her eyes that she wanted worse than anyone had before. I believe the reason that she wanted to go to prom is because she always wanted the opportunity to shine and live out what high school is supposed to be about. I remember we were supposed to do our class picture one day and she didn’t show up and that left me wondering somehow. After wards, I believe she stated that she wasn’t really friends with anyone there and taking a picture with people who you don’t even enjoy being around seemed useless. We had a discussion of who was with who and we acted surprised at some of the people who were there. I clearly remember her dad giving me money so that we can buy the photo packages and I remember standing in line waiting nervously to take a picture with this girl who was driving me crazy at that moment. We went up there and she had the biggest grin and I didn’t even pop out a smile. I look at that picture now and I realize she really made herself beautiful that night and I looked worse because I couldn’t even show a smile. We waited for a few more minutes before the buses were ready to take off and we got on the bus heading for pier 39 near AT&T Park where our prom was to be held on a boat of all places. We got on that bus and all of a sudden I popped out my dad’s old cellphone to let my mom know that I was leaving. My date laughed at me because I had no cellphone at that point in time but I was happy I didn’t because no one could bother you and it felt as if you were on top of the world without one. The bus driver ended up asking a majority of our bus what they wanted to listen to and they all said wild 949 which was very popular at the time of course. We were passing by all these cool places along to San Francisco and we once again started talking about all the fun stuff that we planned to do and we were talking about baseball as well. We passed by the Grand Prix place going passed and I wondered if one day I would be able to bring her there. As I was going along, I thought to myself, how is this even possible? I have myself immersed into this one night thinking, “I better not mess up” and there was also the fact that I was acting a little nervous as well. I got calmer as we got closer and I remember seeing the 49ers stadium across and she asked me if I had ever been to a football game and up to that point I had only been to one so that was that. We finally arrived at the Pier and I saw how beautiful the night was with the clouds hanging with no end in sight for the night that was ahead of me. We got on this wonderful boat and once we got on there, I went around talking to some of the guys I knew and I think some of the fellas were reluctant to talk to me because the person I was with was big in stature and at this point in senior year, you had that feeling that no one knew who anybody else was anyway. Before that, we had no idea who to sit with and she seemed a bit upset because we weren’t matching and I venture to say that matching is something that drives me crazy because if you think something matches well, someone else will outright say that it looks terrible. Well, the truth is I didn’t care if we matched and all that mattered is that we have a great time. Afterwards, she went around greeting some people that I had never met or spoken to before in my life and I started seeing some of her friends approach her as well. I had this feeling that the night was turning out fine because then we started eating which fulfills my satisfaction. At this point, I thought about eating on a boat because you might get sick but then I realized there is no way that after this I am eating. So, we sat down and ate and then I guess that she told her buddy Melina (from pt.1) that “he still likes you” which had them laughing because they had seen me looking at them laughing. We sat and ate and thinking back now I really don’t remember much except grabbing the food and being silent for a while before we finished eating. I believe after eating we went upstairs to chat for a bit and this is where things get weird(mostly on my part). I stared at the dark night and realized after this that I won’t be seeing many of these people. My date started talking about our futures once again and she also started talking about doing her nursing at De Anza College which had me surprised because I had no idea up to that point with what I was good at. She insisted we take classes at De Anza as soon as we could and I just nixed the idea because I just wanted to take classes for the hell of it. I felt a bit emotional that night because I had tons of emotions running through my head and I couldn’t realize that this was my chance to leave a mark on high school and in this girl’s life. She started getting cold and I offered her my jacket which beforehand had not been offered because of my inconsiderate behavior at that time. I remember her friend came up and told us to come check out the dance floor which seemed not that crowded because of dumb music choices. This one song came on and we danced less than a minute with me busting out my Shane O Mac moves which is just moving my feet back forth as in north to south. She later told me “at least we tried”. We went back upstairs and we talked more about school,life, sports, my brother and his relationship, and why she insisted once again that she liked me. I particularly remember that she said that she liked the fact that I was tall and I had a little bit of meat on me which mad me proud to be a huskaroo. I also remember that she talked about that she would one day want to meet my brother’s girlfriend and I insisted that they would have nothing in common. But I remember she said “We both like someone from the Diaz Family”. She one day also wanted to see where I lived and I told her that one day she would see my home as I had been very reluctant to even bring her near my place (more on that later). So we laughed and talked the night away bringing up everything we could and the night was over. I was thinking that this was an opportunity that I couldn’t waste and it had been handed to me. We got back on the bus and I texted (for the first time in my life!) her that this was our last song which was strange because it was a fitting theme for this whole thing. I also said good night as well which made me happy deep inside. She asked me if I really didn’t want to do anything afterwards and I insisted that I couldn’t because my brother was going to pick me up and looking back, I really should have taken the opportunity to do so because that was where it all would have tipped. I gave her a big hug and warmed her up which made her happy because it was pretty chilly up to that point in the night. My brother came and I said my goodbyes and that was it for that night.

June 2nd , 2006:

This is a day that I wish I could do all over again and with good reason. It had been almost two weeks since prom and all I remember in between those two weeks is her saying that “people are going to start talking about us” and my brother taking me to an A’s game for my birthday right before Memorial Day since (1): It was a day game and I got out of school at 11:20 on Wednesdays (2) It was my 18th birthday. I had fun at the game and then my friend said clearly that we should do something for your birthday which was cool, I had no problem with that up until then. So, she comes up to me in my class and she reminds me to pick her up around 5:30 and we go to see X-Men 3 at that time. I had to lie to my parents then to cover up that I was actually going to hang with my friend, (Kevin, when in fact I had no friends named Kevin) to make it seem like I wasn’t going with this girl. I arrive at her house and I remember being fidgety as I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said nothing. That was my problem then and that is still one of my flaws I am not that great at hiding my emotions. Some people are but I just can’t control it at times. I knew something was up as I had this crazy feeling in my head that day that something crazy was bound to happen that day. I remember she ended up paying for the tickets as I could see that she was cordial in her paying for my birthday and such. We talked about the same stuff again and how exciting graduation was to be for both of us and she was also proud of me because I was turning 18. I remember she repeated to me a few times that I was fun to be around and even though I don’t believe it even now, I could see that at least I made her happy when I was there. We saw the movie which ended up being fine for what it was and I should have been acting like the “boyfriend” now but I wasn’t and now I know that is what she wanted as I noticed that she was looking the best she could that night. I asked her how much money she had because she only worked part time and of course I had no job but she wanted to take me out to eat. She said she would want to take me to Denny’s near the former Sunnyvale Town Center. I was fine with that but the problem was that I was no good with directions and she showed me how to get there. We got there, ordered our food, and then the conversation got strange. She took her sandals off, rested her feet, and then she popped the question “Why did you hang out with me” I remember saying something like we weren’t really hanging out and I considered them meetings and she called this our first “date” which really confused me now. I was going through my head, “Why did I hang out with this girl?” Did I feel sorry for myself? Was I in over my head? Did I have nothing better to do? I outright said the latter and right away you could see her expression change and that is something I wish I would not have said. They said in the movie kung fu panda that “Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery and the present is a gift” and looking back it is really true because for one you never know what days in your life may change you and what may come. After this,I said something to the effect of “I felt sorry for you” and I wish I would not have said that which almost surely turned this date into a worse one as it was going great up until this happened. We didn’t say much after but I do remember she invited me to go to the flea market but I wasn’t really up for that. Back then, I just wanted to listen to music and watch A’s games and do nothing else really and I was a little anti-social as it was at that time. So, we headed to my old ford tempo and she seemed a little dejected and I could tell why. She said something along the lines of “So, I guess we won’t be hanging much after this” and I said “why” and she said it would feel awkward but then I said I’m sure we can make it work out and still be friends,right? She said it wouldn’t feel the same since she liked me but then I got upset and said she doesn’t understand at this because in my mind I felt like I was doing her a favor and myself a favor. I haven’t told many people this before but I felt that in any line of life people talk and in my family they talk a big talk. I don’t exaggerate about that either as I was just assuming at the time and nothing more. I could see the harsh treatment that my brother’s girlfriend would get at the time from my family and the pressure my parents put on him to marry her and teach her how to be a real woman. I had a problem with this because I could see that they were being very judgmental without just reason and if they did that to my future in-law what else could they say about this girl who liked me (really?) I had the presumption that nasty things would be said because it is very disgusting to see how the drama gets when the younger generation starts dating within and outside there culture. Yes, our parents want the best for us but my huge ego at that time thought I would best be served to let this girl not get with me because I would be judged harshly and when and if we did hook up it would be difficult to see her get criticized by my family. Even now, I can still see that but now the years have passed and I know a whole lot more now. I remember just being upset because she didn’t understand why I was being the way I was and I said I couldn’t hang with her the next day and I can tell when she got out of the car she looked dejected and I cursed a four letter word when she left because I had been so stupid then and there. The next day was my birthday and I celebrated by hearing the A’s beat the Minnesota Twins by a final of 2-1 due to Eric Chavez and I just felt so relaxed because my team had won. My mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said West Wing Season 6 which she gladly bought for me at my future employer ( the exact one actually!) That night of my birthday, coincidence or not, me my brother, and some of his friends hit up Moody Road and I just let everything sink in that had happened from the day before and I wondered that this was my life at this moment. I almost wanted to say thank you to everybody that was there because them talking to me and me talking to them almost made me feel like they were my friends too (some of them would become my friends later on). I felt they had a lot to share and I didn’t say much but it contributed nonetheless. The next week was graduation and I remember finals week as a blur because they were so simple for me as a senior about to graduate. I knew what had to get done and I remember talking to my friend then and asking her what graduating meant to her? She was very happy because she was almost 18 and she could maybe afford to live on her own. She also was intent on pursuing nursing while I was looking to do business. I was happy for her but seeing her in white and myself in a red gown made me feel that this was the end. Her family was throwing her a party and my buddy was having a party thrown by his family so I opted to go to my buddy’s party instead. I didn’t talk to her much when we were getting ready to walk on as I was too busy doing the messing around thing with my buddies. We sat in our seats and I barely knew half these people as I was getting ready to graduate then I went up in line to get my diploma and nobody cheered, nobody clapped, just silence. That was okay though because that was how I wanted it too. I found my family after all the seniors had thrown their caps in the air and I saw her and her family and I completely ignored her as I believe she didn’t see me. The funny thing was, when we got to our brother’s car, he left the key inside and my family waited for a little bit at the bus stop before he brought the car back. I went to my buddy’s party, had some chinese food, for got about this girl for about a week, and then one week later was when I last saw her. It was a bit strange because I was sitting at home on June, 13,2006 watching Scent of a Woman and I decided to give her a call. I asked her if it was possible t have my portion of the prom pictures back and she said it was fine and we arranged to meet around 6:30 or so. I went there, told her how I was doing and I brought along West Wing Season 3. We watched the first 2 episodes of the 3rd season and I was very intent on just watching it as she was laying down and I was sitting. I don’t remember much besides the middle when she asked me about some of the characters and why she hadn’t been invited to my buddies party? I told her it would be strange having her there and I felt not yet comfortable being around her with other people (very selfish on my part). We stayed quiet through most of the episodes and I said my goodbyes but I do remember her saying one last thing: You were a real jerk on that one night which I agreed with and still do. I stared at her,said my goodbyes, and to this day I haven’t seen her. But I did have three conversations with her on the phone about whatever. The first one kinda came outta nowhere because that day I was lost and confused about what was going on. I had just wanted to talk to somebody and her name popped into my head. My mom had just had surgery, and I was looking for an answer. I called her and she answered and I remember asking her how to make a hamburger. She told me how to and I asked her how she was doing, saying she was doing fine, and how she was ready to finally to start life on her own and that was it. The second one came about a month later when I was sitting at home on a cool summer night and she was sick. She said she had the flu and she just happened to remember that last time we had hung out and she hoped we could do it again someday. I guess she too had gotten the feeling she needed to talk to somebody after being sick. The last time sunk my heart and it defined me from then on. Sunday August 20, 2006 was a strange day because my mom and I went to the Big Red Machine to buy some supplies for the trip I was going to make to Mexico and I remember buying the Simpsons season 5 and a toothbrush. I told my mom that I thought it would be best if I called this girl and said my goodbyes. I called her and she sounded the same as she did before but this time I got a different vibe. I asked her, (again) how she was doing and she told me she had seen my buddy from high school at the De Anza orientation and I felt befuddled because I hadn’t gone for some odd reason that skips my memory now. She sounded excited and optimistic about her future as I don’t think I was at all. She told me she had signed up already for classes and she would mostly be taking early afternoon-mid afternoon classes. I was kind of sad because this is when I knew that the boat had been missed with this girl and I only got one shot at this. I told her what I had been up to during the summer as I told her about my adventure to Anaheim and LA all in the span of 6 days, although one was spent back at home. All I did that summer, was watch baseball, hang out at the mall, go to the movies, and other places as well. Those were the days as I remember telling her but she recalled how she had seen some of her siblings as well in other parts of California and I was proud to hear that from her. But, then this is when I tried to pull that classic babyface turn where I was sick of the authority figures and I just told her I was wrong and I asked her how she got me to fall for her. I asked her, jokingly of course, if her secret was in her shoe and she said it was. But, sadly I was hit with the news that she was finally seeing somebody who had dated her before but she never elaborated on him. I was hurt but then again, I said at least it was worth it. For months onward, at De Anza, at home, and other places I was just bitter and upset with love. I started going crazy on making mix Cd’s about love and feeling stupid about it. telling my cousin in Mexico this story who also said it was my fault, having those long weekend chats with anyone I can find, and I just felt lost. Christmas and other festive holidays were not so great either as school for me that first quarter felt like a drag but when I finished I felt proud to have finished my first quarter at De Anza. In January 2007, I got a call from her on a Wednesday asking if I was home and I told her that this was me. The chat seemed to go a bit more smoothly, as we talked about my inability to find a job, my school, her school, what I wanted to do with my life, her job (she was taking care of special kids at the time), food, plans for the future, and for some odd reason I just told her I wanted to hear her speak rather than me and she did. She told me about how great life was away from home, her boyfriend, her dog, and a lot of other things that just intrigued me. She said that we should get together sometime and I told her that sounded great. We ended the conversation after about 20 minutes of laughs, nostalgia, sadness, and other random thoughts. My brother asked me who it was later on and I just told him “An old friend”. To this day, I haven’t spoken to her since and I don’t think I will ever do so. But, if I did have this one last chance to see her I would do so and I could talk to her about anything as so much has happened in our lives. I would thank her for her “crush” on me because it gave me a taste of what it was like to miss that which you never had. I never had any sort of relation with her but I do miss the fact that at the same time that could have been mine. I would also thank her for allowing me into her life because I believe this was the beginning of me associating with unique characters. I have always had a set of unique friends and each of them brings something different to the table. If everyone was the same, I would hate it because no one person should be a clone of someone else. She liked bad horror movies but I didn’t and I find that in each individual we’re all set to like unique hobbies. Lastly, I am glad that she let this happen to me because I don’t think I would have gained this wealth of knowledge I have now. After high school, I fell hard and I went to school for a year without working and in that time I got to see that finding a job isn’t easy. I got rejected by almost 20 places and each time I just kept saying “I’ll try harder” but there was that feeling in my head that I was gonna end up nowhere just having my parents pay for my stuff. Who knows if I would have been able to meet all the great people I met at work, at school, in life, and other places. I am a firm believer that if I would have gotten with this girl things would be different and so much radically but drastically. For example, I would have never possibly worked at the Big Red, I would have never gotten to experience the things I did with co-workers (and friends), I would have never had a dog, and who knows if I would have been in school. I could have been a dad for all I know. I don’t what this was, if it was a test, a sign of things to come, a peaking point in my immaturity level, or who knows what it was but I guess that now I see all these guys with these girls I am a little bit more relaxed that I don’t have a girlfriend right now. I have friends that are in relationships which are rocky and/or money issues come into play. Money drives couples and I am glad that right now I am not into that. Somewhere out there, the right girl is waiting for me or maybe I am the right guy for that girl but thanks for reading this and the one lesson I can take from this:

Don’t count your eggs before they hatch!

Later

Lost opportunity for a young 18 year old…Part I

Posted on by anele25

Ya no me mires asi que no ves que

estoy loco por ti

ya no me jusgues tan mal

es mejor primero conversar

Cuisillos on “Ya No mires Asi”

It has been almost 4 years since I last spoke to a person that meant a lot to me at the time and every once in a while I will think back and wonder, woulda, coulda, shoulda, and I wonder wow my life could have been much different. It was a bright sunny day the day I moved from Sunnyvale in the dying days of summer which was labor day 2002. We were getting ready to move from our old apartments in Sunnyvale to a condo that our family (mostly mom and dad) had acquired that summer through a lot of intensive paper work, loans, and what not. I was a bit sad that I was moving away as I probably would not see my old friends as much as I was used to and I felt in my heart a bit of bitterness towards my parents for doing this. I remember we got all our stuff packed and my friend wanted to come along for the ride with his dad’s cousin who was helping us move but unfortunately there was no room for him. Once we got there, it felt like a whole new world with different people and new places to explore that I had to see through my years of living. However, there was one problem and that was that I had just barely started high school at Homestead High School and it was quite far from where I had moved. My parents decided that they didn’t want to take away my first year of high school so we just kept the same address at our old apartments and we would go over from time to time to check with our neighbors who had, as luck would have it, had family of there’s move in next door to our old apartment. I was glad that happened because somebody would have caught on if was anybody else but I was lucky to say the least. My first year was rough to say the very least and I was grateful that most of the time my brother would by his own will take me to school at 7 in the morning and most of the time I would just catch 2 buses to get back home which would roughly be a 9 hour day including lunch and one break. After my first year, though was when things get a bit complicated as my parents decided that it would be difficult to go to a high school that was that far away and I would have to start attending Cupertino High School which was a lot more closer to my house and a short 10 minute drive with traffic. I remember after the pre registration stuff and all the signing stuff, I was shocked to hear that my dad was the one who took the opportunity to check out Cupertino for me as I have him to thank for that. I couldn’t sleep the night before I started at Cupertino as I kept thinking in my head what kind of people am I going to meet? Who is going to befriend me? and What would my classes be like? I remember first walking into my tutorial for the morning as my brother accompanied me to a strange yet inclusive location. This was the first time I had ever had a sort of class in a trailer! It wasn’t really a class per se but rather a place where we could do homework and study. My tutorial instructor had stated at that time that she was seeing a lot of new faces. I was one of them I thought to myself. I then saw a very big girl that looked rather scary yet she was approachable when it came to talking to her other friends. I thought to myself, “damn she’s ugly” but I learned later on it’s not what’s on the outside but on the inside. Going through my first year, I saw her passing by in the hallways, the library, the tutorial class, and at times when we had P.E. in the same period but we each had different classes. I found her friend, let’s call her Melina for her sake, to be quite attractive and I always saw her as the gem of the two friends. I found myself to be constantly staring at her and I found beauty in everything she had but of course her friend at the time was nothing but a backdrop. I remember a particular incident where we were sitting in the trailer and she was touching the letters of my Eric Chavez T-Shirt of the Oakland A’s and I didn’t know what to think of it. I didn’t know what to say or think of it at the time. I just remembered the girl that I didn’t have my eyes on asked me if I knew this guy named Eric. I just kind laughed about it later and I was in awe of what she asked me because I didn’t know if she was talking about the shirt or some guy named Eric. So, the year passed and I became comfortable with my classmates as most of us got to know each other very well. But, after my first year I was still curious about this girl and her unorthodox size. I talked to her a little bit but I never went beyond disclosing any personal information or went deep into our conversations. I was surprised that the next year we once again ended up in the same tutorial of course due to our last names being almost identical. I saw her again but it seemed this time around she was a bit more comfortable around me. It was also to my surprise that she was in my Algebra 2 class which at the time was difficult for me because I admit that I am no expert in math. I had the same teacher as the year before and I as soon as I saw this girl in the class I felt a bit more relaxed. As the year went on, she helped me a lot with homework, questions I had, in class homework that we had at times, and there was one time in the year when we each sat next to each other. Usually, I would ask her about how her English went because we both had the same English teacher and I would be surprised at some of the funny and quirky stuff that my teacher would do because it was her first year. I liked talking to her because she was not willing to hold back anything and I started getting accustomed to asking her anything I could. She was willing to help out with anything she could and she would ask me if I had a crush on one of our classmates from Algebra but the truth was this girl I talked to was a classmate who had some funny and and exciting stuff to talk about because she was moving away to college. Back to this girl, who at this point I considered a friend, she was concerned that I wasn’t doing as well in our math class as i should have been and she was right as I admitted that math wasn’t my strong point but I did enough to pass for credit in my final semester that I took math in high school. As time went on I wondered why this girl was trying to befriend me, and I couldn’t muster enough courage to ask her why. I just talked about anything and everything I could with her. I remember talking with her about baseball, movies, music, friendship, and anything I could think of which is something I miss and I wonder what was going through her head when I was around her. The last few days of Junior year I had finals and I remember the last final of a Tuesday June 7th 2005 I had a good conversation of what was to come in my final as I felt a bit nervous as to what I could say in my speech about the Crucible. I felt confident after the conversation I had with her and I aced the speech that I did at the English final. Summer passed and it went by fast and once again I saw her again in my tutorial class. She looked the same and I told her my class schedule and she seemed a bit happy that I was in two of her classes but I just said whatever. I didn’t think about it at the time but what was to come defined me for the next two years and a half as I embarked on an epic journey. I remember the first time we hung out sort of as she invited to go eat something the 25th of August 2005 and I just jokingly said that we should go to Taco Bell and we did. I was starving really bad and she just sat there and watched me eat while we talked about the beginning of the year and my buddies that I was hanging out with at the time. I still wondered to myself why was she hanging out with me? What did I offer her? Well, after this I told her that I still had a crush on her friend Melina and she didn’t really offer anything as to what she could say other than that she smoked yet she was trying to quit. I vaguely remember that her and I had a tough time communicating because her mom was sick and she was trying her best to take care of her. I really couldn’t offer any strong advice at the time because I was young and stupid and I really wasn’t thinking about anything at the time except my future. I also remember she would not come to class sometimes because she was taking care of her mom and I understood that aspect of it. The memory I have of her is her coming in and her eyes were watery with black bags under them which sunk my heart because I knew what she was going through and I couldn’t be anything but a good friend. So, I gave her space for a while and I understood the life that she had in front of her. She had a lot to say about her dad and how much of a gung ho type of guy he was which surprised me. But something happened around the time of November, she completely disappeared and I wondered what happened to her. I didn’t have her number, I didn’t know where she lived, and I worried a bit about her. I went through my classes enamored with the career choices that could have come to me. I had business in one hand, economics in the other, and then I had English in the other hand. I had no F—— idea as to what I wanted to do with my life and these choices seemed the best at the time. I waited for the holidays to roll around and I was preparing for finals as well. After my finals, I started a new semester and there she was again. This time she looked the same but her hair was almost gone and I didn’t know what to say. This is when the awkwardness of me being silent to people started and this is one situation where I wish I wouldn’t have been like that. I remember we were doing an activity in our English class where we had to pass around a sceptre and say a passage and I remember she had to pass it to me next but the teacher just went ahead and gave it to me. It was one of those situations where I felt sad and confused at the same time. I didn’t know if I wanted to associate myself with someone like that and this started one of the times in my life where people that feel like they need someone to talk to began with me. I waited anxiously to see if she would ever talk to me because I felt she wanted to say something but I believe I had no right to talk to her because me giving her silent treatment was just me being a big jerk. Then one day she came up to me and she wondered why I wasn’t talking to her and I stuttered through my words as I came up with some lame excuse. I told her we should talk in my free period which was my 4th period and I waited like a little boy for a while at the cafeteria. I saw her and she told me what had happened to her which was her blacking out which resulted in her losing a good chunk of her hair but it seemed it had something to do with her brain. Reluctantly, she told me her mother had passed on and how her mother wanted her ashes spread which was good to hear from her. She stated that we should hang out some time and I told her that Saturday would be the best day. I remember that Saturday I had a bit of hesitation as I felt it would not be in my best interest to hang out with her. I was being very selfish at the time and I thought to myself that it was at least worth a shot. So, I gathered my stuff and headed out to AMC Mercado 20 here in Santa Clara and saw her coming out of her sister’s car. She was wearing the combination of colors of pink and black which made her significantly stand out and this is around the middle of march or so which made it even stranger because it was getting closer to high school ending. We saw the movie together and I can honestly say the movie, 16 blocks, really wasn’t mattered to me but rather spending time with this girl made me real happy. We talked for a little bit after and I kept hyping up that I had a crush on one of our classmates and she guessed who it was after many tries. She laughed about it later as she stated that this girl I liked was very childish and immature. She was right as I saw that in her classroom behavior and her demeanor towards other people but at the time that really didn’t matter to me. As time went on, we got a little bit more comfortable with each other as we talked about our futures and she started talking about going to De Anza College and start her career in nursing which I had little idea what I wanted to do. I wanted to do business at first but I lost desire for that as soon as I started (more on that later). Then, something happened and I have only told a few people about this. As the semester rolled on, she would sometimes roll out of Teacher’s Aide period to come visit me in the cafeteria. I didn’t get it at the time, but I knew from those times that something was up and the funny thing was, I didn’t even have to move or say anything. As a buddy of mine at work says, “I was just being myself”. She remarked at one time that it looked like I was losing weight and if I was trying to impress a girl which I remarked outright “No”. I didn’t understand anything at that time and I was young but one day a hint was dropped as to what was going on. I just remember the words coming out of her mouth “I may have a small crush on you.” Time stopped and I let everything sink in. The clues were all there, she said how she was always around me and always talking to me and I may be blowing my own horn here but I still don’t know if I really did anything to warrant that kind of attention. I was a good listener and I was trying to be a good friend and nothing more. The fact is, in my opinion, I never had that kind of connection with a girl up to that point. I had classmates that I talked to here and there but I never had gotten this far and it felt like a relief. Things were going through my head, and then around April or so she asked me if I wouldn’t mind taking her to prom which I did as a courtesy not as a favor. I asked my parents for the money so I could go and then I told my brother who was very excited that I was going but I didn’t know what to think of myself. I hung out with a group of guys who were awesome as friends but I wouldn’t say I would be thrilled to have them around her. That was my biggest problem and it was more of a self image thing more than anything for me at that moment. When she wasn’t around, my friends would tease me about how big she was but I never really defended her knowing that I was wrong having nothing to say. When I paid for the prom itself, I then asked my brother and his girlfriend for ideas of where to get fitted and all that good stuff. As I got fitted, I thought to myself this is really happening isn’t it? The weeks leading up were pretty interesting as well as we had to buy the extra stuff such as flowers, corsages, and of course we had to wrap up school as well. Leading up to that, I did the crazy task of actually driving to where her sister lived because she told me that she would be staying there for the weekend and bam I did that. What I didn’t mention was that the day that happened, me and some friends were going to see the latest Mission Impossible movie and I drove back all the way only to see that she had called my house as I was supposed to help her with a small report we had to do for our English class so I flaked on her. I had that problem early on when we weren’t communicating really well, and one of my buddies told me that we had to do some sketches for a project but I promised her that I would hang out with her that day but instead I opted to do the assignment instead. So, I went and saw the movie with my buddies and the next day proved to be pretty fun as well as I finally spent a good chunk of the day with her which was around the middle of May 2006. I asked my brother if I could borrow his car and he agreed but he didn’t know why I borrowing it. I picked her up from her sister’s house and off we went to the library to do some research and make copies. I can say we had a fun time that day because we joked and made stupid remarks about what prom was to bring for us but all in all I knew something good was to come from this. We did our research, I brought my laptop that day and she had her stuff and we finished up doing everything around 5 or so. I sat at her sister’s house and she was remarking about how fun prom was going to be and I agreed with her. We shot back and forth about the A’s and Giants who were pretty close to playing each other around that time. I was surprised about how much she would talk about her family and in particular her dad, who up to that point, I had never met. She remarked about how he would leave early in the morning to go see this woman he was dating and she didn’t really feel comfortable with how that was being dealt with. He would bring her home sometimes and I understood with what she was dealing with as all I could give her in that sense was provide and support. After leaving her house, I blasted the song “Corazon de Otro” which was done by the Mexican Romantic group “Los Temerarios” and I didn’t know it at the time but that song had a much deeper meaning later on. I felt confident the week of prom and I remember this girl took me to her house to show me her prom dress. Looking at the dress, it was amazing that she was willing to show this guy that had done almost next to nothing her dress. I was happy that she had chosen the color of gold and this is also the day I met her dad. Her dad was an interesting guy and he was retired either from the army or the military, (either way it escapes me at the moment). I had a bit of small talk with him and he seemed pretty cool with the fact that I was taking his daughter to prom. The date of the prom was a mix of strange occasions and occurrences. The day of the prom, I found myself watching watching the second season of the West Wing and I started patterning myself talking like that. I wanted to be slick and fast with my speech but to the point. I told myself, “if this girl really likes me, then I’ll be how I want to be.” I asked my dad that day to drive me to my “friend’s” house and he agreed as I was dressed to impress as every guy was trying to look the best he could. My dad dropped me off and I felt a bit nervous as to what was going to happen. I told my dad to drop me off and leave as soon as he dropped me off. He did just that and arriving there seemed a bit awkward. I saw her sister, her, her dad, and his woman friend. My buddy decided that she wanted to take pictures and I made the stupid mistake of not looking into the camera. I felt embarrassed for doing so and I waited anxiously for us to arrive at school so we could get on the bus and leave. Her sister drove us to the school and I remember her sister telling her that this was her night. We got there, had refreshments, appetizers, cake, and her and I talked a bit more. Sitting in the cafeteria, I realized that I was glad that I had done this but I wasn’t sure this was the best way to do so. I had been acting like an idiot up to that point to her and I had no real possible way to continue doing this the way I was, I was gonna crack at some point…

Well, that concludes part I, I thought about halfway through this that this was going to have to be a two parter so that’s what I’m doing, till next time…

Preview:

What happened at prom that night?
What happened on the day before my birthday and the reaction I got

Graduation day and what it meant to both of us

Small, but meaningful conversations I had with this girl after graduating, including one that left me shattered

and What did this mean to me?

Specifically, what path would have this taken me on, what could have it meant in the future and the present.

Lastly, if I could see her only one more time would I take the chance to say what’s on my mind? Would I really talk to her?

Thanks for reading and to conclude this part, here’s the Clash at Bond’s Casino in 1981:

A great conversation…

Posted on by anele25

What does a great conversation entail us to do or say? Usually, we allow ourselves for one person to bring up a topic or we allow ourselves to reach a common topic that we are both interested in. It is amazing, however, that I want to believe that ever since one of my good friends told me a few months back that I could make friends easily if I wanted to, I could. The only problem is that sometimes, actually most of the time, I get the usual “you’re too quiet”, “you’re so shy”, or my favorite is “just keep doing what you’re doing”. I understand that those three sayings describe me as a person but when it comes to having great conversations, I mix all three of these into one. Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to have an extensive chat with a co-worker of mine who is very beautiful in her own right and is great to talk to. Usually, when I work with her I get a bit nervous because I don’t know what we can talk about so I just usually bring up whatever. The conversation started out with us just talking about how she has her life planned out until Valentine’s day, and how in a few days she was going to start working out and all this left me a bit overwhelmed. I was shocked to hear her talk about her high school life and how much of a nerd she was going into her Junior, Freshman, and Sophmore years. It made me realize that this girl can be comfortable around guys because she can be so much more easy going than she is around girls. I started hearing her story about how she unfortunately had to leave work the night before leaving me behind to do most of the work myself. I understood why she had to leave and if I was in her shoes I probably would have left as well. She spoke about how her boyfriend had had an allergic reaction to some medication and how she doesn’t like being around hospitals because the people in those places upset her so much. But, the most interesting part of this conversation to me was when she said “Yesterday was my day to be a girl.” That left me dumbfounded because I see her as being smart and being somewhat of an underachiever in life because she spoke about how before in high school she would never get below a 3.5. I asked myself, “What does being a girl mean to her?” I’m guessing in my mind that because she was panicking a little the night before we had this conversation that she thought that she was being a girl but doesn’t that happen to all of us? I’m sure there have been times in our lives where some great moments have happened in our lives and we were filled with excitement but then there were others where we felt like the world was crumbling down on us. I was glad to hear that everything turned out well for her and I realized that being a girl for her just maybe means that she got a bit emotional. I was interested to hear that she was a bit upset that her best friend from high school had had a baby shower that day and unfortunately was not invited. She believed that the reason that she was not invited was because her boyfriend was being controlling and yet she had caught him flirting with other women allegedly. It was an interesting conversation to say the least at that point and it made me realize that if you want to get to know anyone, you come to them and you let them speak out. I know she may never read this nor do I intend for her to read this, but I want to say Thank You to this girl because she allowed herself to speak her mind. I respect girls that I can have decent conversations with and this one was no different.

Thanks for reading!

Is everything you say or do your fault…? Maybe maybe not

Posted on by anele25

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I’m one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break

-“One Step Closer” by Linkin Park

Amazing what life brings you some days and I can say that sometimes things are meant to be and other times they are not to be. I know sometimes that I complain about things that have happened in my life such as opportunities that I could have had, arguments that I have had with family and friends, money, food, my weight, and other small things in life. The fact is that in my opinion these are things that I can change and as you get older you realize that it is someone’s choice if they want to continue the way things are. I remember almost three years ago I was sitting in my Psychology class and my professor stated that if someone has been at a job for a long time some people say that he is “loyal” but in other circumstances it could be that he has worries that he may not find anything better. I thought to myself that if this person continues to be there because he can’t find anything better then he may as well not complain about where he is. I remember that when I was getting out of high school and I thought about the many possibilities that I could have had in terms of a relationship (more on that on a future post), the friends that I had, and also the idea about finding a job finally. I remember that the whole summer I relaxed and rested up from the long grueling process of finishing high school. I had a good set of friends from high school left and I complained that they embarrassed me sometimes. I felt that was quite a jerky move on my part and if I felt that way then I should say so but the truth was that looking back I felt that me and my high school buddies were quite a great group. I told one of my friends that I felt embarrassed around him but he understood fully afterwords that I had my words to say. I remember when I was looking for my first job at the Big red Machine originally and I complained for a few weeks that I was deserving of the job. I told myself and I got encouragement from my parents as well that I should keep looking and I did. I got disappointment after disappointment and on most of them I wouldn’t get a response or I would get a “thanks but no thanks” type response. I was complaining after most of those times but when I finally got that opportunity to work at my first job I was proud and faithful that I would do well. I kept my head up afterwords and I can proudly say that I’ve done well being there. It hasn’t always been pleasant but I’ve made the best of it. But it is interesting when I hear people complain and myself at times as well. I remember a few days ago my mom was getting ready to go take a few photos with her granddaughter and I picked her up from her job in Palo Alto. The kicker was that she asked her granddaughter’s mom to give her a ride. I gladly offered that I would take her to my uncle’s house which is where the shoot would be. However, she insisted that her granddaughter’s mom would take her and she complained about how she is never ready and always doing things at the last minute. I listened and I made small comments here and there but I understood right there that trusting someone with a task like that is not easy. Hearing my mom say that made me realize that if we want to get things done in life we have to rely on those that you know you don’t have ask constantly. People have to be there for one another and it’s a task of wanting to do it and not having to do it. This is one example of complaining and it being your fault but I read a story the other day that was an eye opener. I was browsing across some wrestling forums and I stumbled across the topic of wrestling books. I found that former booker, manager, and writer Dutch Mantell had written a book about being in the wrestling business for so long. He so happened to post a sample chapter about a small but important incident that happened between two wrestlers. Two famous wrestlers from the 1980’s in the NWA were about to engage in a sort pseudo feud and this one was tragic and unfortunate. The names of these wrestlers were Ricky Morton and Tully Blanchard, one of the famous tag team the Rock and Roll express and the other of the famous wrestling stable the Four Horsemen. For weeks, it had been proclaimed that Blanchard was saved by the savior and lord and he had seen the wrongdoings that he had gone through and he proclaimed that he was going on TV to announce his salvation from lord. He was going to go on the famous Christian TV show “The 700 club” and announce his salvation. This show just happened to take place near the Southern part of the United States where back in the day not a lot of people were familiar with famous sports personalities and what not. Now, you ask where does Ricky Morton fit into all this? Well, the funny thing was that Ricky’s wife had been suspecting Ricky of playing her for a fool and messing around with other women. Ricky always proclaimed love for his wife and stated that he had never cheated on her while he was on the road. Usually wrestlers spend a good amount of time away from home and sometimes that paranoia comes into play where the husband or wife might suspect some infidelity. This is where it gets interesting as Ricky’s wife had stated that she had wanted them as a couple to convert to being born again Christians and Ricky felt he could go along with it if it pleased her. Everything was going smoothly and Ricky and his wife felt that they were doing something together rather than the bickering going on amongst themselves. However, it was time for Tully Blanchard to go on the 700 club and state his salvation from alcohol, drugs, pills, and women or ring rats. Tully went on there and talked about how he had led a life and wrong doing and all these things that were in his life were the work of the devil and he saw how much of a bad person he was because of it. He kept talking about all these things and how wrong they were but once he got to the w word then things got pretty interesting. He stated that he was several women most nights and some of them would walk around nude around his hotel room and what not. What I failed to mention was that Ricky and his wife were watching it right while it Tully was talking. Ricky, bless his heart, felt that maybe Tully was working the crowd and he felt that most if not all of what he was saying was a lie. Back to Tully, he was going on about these women and how dirty they were but he did something that would change Ricky’s life forever. Tully talked about these girls going to his room and then he said that they would go to “Ricky Morton’s room” and my jaw just dropped when I read that. Dutch went on to say that Ricky’s wife just stared at him and he knew right then his marriage was over and his wife and the kids ended up moving far away. Ricky never understood why Tully said what he said and he would not see him till about five years later. I found it interesting that Ricky kept his cool about it as he gave Mantell his blessing to write that as a piece in a book. He didn’t complain about it and he knew for a while that his marriage was on shaky ground as it was and maybe the whole Christian thing could have saved him. So maybe some things happen for a reason and sometimes we just take them as experience and life lessons. I can say that whenever I get into a discussion or an argument with my family or my friends I try to respect their opinion as I feel that if we let each other know what the other feels we won’t complain as much as we do. Once again thanks for reading and maybe if you ever feel sad or lonely about life just think it could be worse! Here’s an awesome video:

Parents…

Posted on by anele25 
las cosas tienen su tiempo y yo
lo lleve temprano,porque querer
tanto a los hijos,algunos padres
fallamos en lugar de darles todo
porqe no los preparamos

-Los Tigres del Norte "Le Compre la muerte a mi hijo"

Parents, what can I say? When you are having a great time with them but when you have your share of differences with them,
you can't stand them. This year, and a little bit after I realized we were struggling financially, my parents started being
more negative about there money situation and I tried my best to not fall into the same trap. I remember when we didn't have
to pay for so many luxuries like a car, car insurance, and utility bills being so high. Yet, I've also seen that growing up
my parents did their best to provide with everything they could. They didn't make the best money nor will they ever but they taught
me a lot about life and also bought in when I wanted to have something. I can make a huge list of all the dumb things I ever asked
my parents for and it still would not justify all the great contributions they made for me. I remember my dad paid for me to go to
science camp in 5th grade up in Saratoga Walden West and we were late on the payments yet he still managed to give the school money. My
mom was also able to make some great sacrifices in my early years as she took me to work with her a few days during summer days.
I didn't do much except help my mom move things in the rooms where she would be working and I would just watch TV most of the
time. I would usually go with her in the morning to take the bus all the way to Palo Alto and I was excited to take those
long bus rides because I saw some cool stuff along the way like some friends that had taken a bus back from where we were
going. My parents were much more active back in the day but now I can see that they are getting old and they prepared me for the
challenges I face today. They taught me to choose my friends wisely and they also acknowledged when and if my friends were
good influences on me. I remember my friend from my old condos would always want to hang out on a Friday or Saturday and
my parents would give their approval if I should go out or not. They would have the money back then to actually give me and
I would spend some money that night on food or going to the mall. I appreciated that a lot and I try my best to give back
to them as best I can. You may always go back to the altar crying and complaining about the money that you are giving your
parents but they didn't complain when they gave it to you. Also, when I didn't drive my mom and myself would go the movies taking
the old #57 bus here in San Jose and going to AMC Saratoga to see a movie I wanted to see and we always enjoyed ourselves.
I miss those times because it was convenient to go to the movies on a weekend and there was never any problem with it either
as she enjoyed the time we spent together. She would take me out to eat and sometimes we would just eat at home. I can honestly
say that seeing that made me realize that my mom did what she did to keep me happy. I didn't keep in close contact with
many of my old friends from before and this is around that time when she would take me to a lot of places even if it was
on the bus. I guess she tried her best to tell me that your friends may leave you but I won't. We don't hang out as much anymore
but I wish we could again someday. Now, she comes home exhausted from working and I can understand that she is tired and
she is trying to pay all the bills we have. Hopefully, once we get all our marbles together maybe this year her and I can go to Mexico and
her native Zacactecas which I always enjoy going to because it's been a while for me but a lot longer for her. Now, my dad
is unique and special to me. He isn't the active, fast paced let's go out animal he was a few years ago and yet I believe
it's because of his age and all the pressures he faces from working so much for so little. I helped him out all I could
when he went on a job search about a year ago and it felt somewhat difficult because he wasn't a native english speaker. I
told him to hang in there and I too paid for food and what not when I could in that time. The reason he is so special to me
is because like my mom he too tried his best his entire life to give me all he could. There have been numerous times where
he has cooked food for me and he didn't have to but he did anyway. He is a big drinker and whenever he drinks he ends up 
pretty wasted but I learned from my dad that drinking to him is a way of escaping and I thought to myself why do it if that's
the only way you'll do it. I understood why he did it but I also learned that being around people like that (my brother and 
his friends and also a few friends of mine) allows you to see that all they want to do is have fun in life and I'm all for
having fun in life. If that's their way of acting out there fun then I say all the power to them because I try my best to make
sure whenever my friends or my brother's friends need a ride home I can be there so that they don't end up doing something 
dumb at the end of the night. My parents have taught me one important lesson as well:Having less money than you did before
allows to bond together and have a common cause. For a while here, I thought we were doing all right with our house payments
and all the other crazy bills we get here at home. However, once we started suffering financially and economically, we had to get our heads
together and figure out solutions for things. In my class yesterday, my professor for History made an interesting point in saying that when 
you're struggling you bond together as a family and when you're having the good times role everyone just goes there own way. 
For a while, I thought that's how I saw it and I could see it when I saw my mom every other four days and I would only see
my dad a little bit every day. Even my brother and myself, who I had been close with for a long time but we drifted apart for 
a while, went our own ways for a bit but this year we have been talking on a more consistent basis because you may not love
your family everyday but when you get older they will be the ones that will be with you in the end. Now, I have a better 
relationship with my parents and with my brother because we have seen each other grow and change as well. I tell my mom that
life is better when you don't have a lot of money and she doesn't believe it but we all have our beliefs. I have a good time
talking to my dad and we share a lot of things in common these days. If it wasn't for my parents, I probably would just be
lost and confused about who I am and I thank them for that. Good day to all and have a good weekend! Here's something that made
makes me think nostalgia: